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Written by Eli Davidson
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Monday, 29 October 2007 |
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Written by Eli Davidson
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Monday, 29 October 2007 |
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Written by Russ Heitz
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Tuesday, 16 October 2007 |
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Written by Editor
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Wednesday, 15 August 2007 |
Talking with Dr. Dennis W. Neder...
Lauren Smith: Why did you write this book?
Dr. Dennis W. Neder: I wrote these books mostly out of frustration. I was suffering with my own dating life over 20 years before the first book was written and realized that there had to be an answer as to why. So, I began really researching it on every level I could. As the light bulbs starting going on and I got better and better at all the rules of dating and relationships, I realized that other men were in the same boat as I was. That's when the first book was written.
Lauren Smith: When you say it's time for men to be what women want, what do you mean by this?
Dr. Dennis W. Neder: There was a time about 30 years ago when gender rolls were pretty clearly defined. Today, women are getting all sorts of help with definitions whereas men have almost none. It almost seems like an all-out assault against men! Men today have no roll models. More important, men don't know what their place should be in a relationship. Thus, they tend to sit back and do nothing. In the more than 20,000 letters I've answered for readers over the past few years, half of those are from women. The #1 issue that I see from women is simply this: their men are not active and involved in the relationship.
What I'm now doing is teaching men exactly what it is that women want - and expect. I'm teaching men how to be better partners. Certainly that benefits men, but even more so, women.
Lauren Smith: Is the old cliché true or do you think men can really change?
Dr. Dennis W. Neder: I think men are all about change. Men are seeking answers. The problem is that the relationship industry is dominated by women. Women are great at advising women on relationship-roll issues, but frankly, lousy with men. Men hear things like "...women want sensitive men..." and they react by trying to become these sensitive guys. They hear "...just be yourself..." and they try that. Men are very ready to change if only they have a road map to follow that actually works. My "map" has been proven over and over again all over the world.
Lauren Smith: How can your book help men and women attain better relationships?
Dr. Dennis W. Neder: I talk about a lot of different issues in my books, but as my discussion group says, this isn't simply about technique, it's about lifestyle. They have adopted the term "BAM lifestyle" ("Being a Man") to describe this philosophy. Time and again, I get letters from people that tell me how much they have grown and how much benefit they've received from this information.
Lauren Smith: With all the books on male/female relationships out there, what makes your different?
Dr. Dennis W. Neder: First that it's from a man's perspective. As I already mentioned, the vast majority of information on relationships is presented from the female perspective. That's not particularly bad, but in fact, it's often not accurate! I see articles about things like "What he really wants in bed" or "Why he won't talk to you", etc. and read them all. I can't believe what's being expressed out there! Most of these are written by women and I; and many of my male readers, just roll our eyes wondering of these women have ever even talked to a man about any of this.
Lauren Smith: On your web site you mention that when you Google "men's resources" you find 10 million, when you do the same for women you find 49 million. Do you think men have been shortchanged or do you think there has never been a need because (it would seem) no one from the male gender was asking for help?
Dr. Dennis W. Neder: Absolutely. This happens from two fronts: first, there is a general belief that men have been in control for so long and its women that need help to "balance the scales." Many are the times that I've found women actually giving men advice (about women of course) that is just plain wrong! When I've later asked them why they did this, they state that they're just trying to help women. The other side of the answer is that they're trying to handicap men! This sort of thing comes from a very mistaken belief that women are somehow oppressed by men and thus, these women feel justified.
The other front is that men are notoriously bad about asking for help. We are barraged with the idea that we should just "fight through" our problems. Frankly, that's pretty inefficient, and leads to trouble not only for men, but for women too. I carried this very belief for many years which is why I worked so hard getting my own "relationship-teeth" kicked in, in order to learn how things really worked. Of course there were almost no reliable sources to get this information from at the time - and there continues to be a lack today as well.
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Written by Bill Norris
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Monday, 13 August 2007 |
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